SkyMall Fever

They say those infamous Northwest pilots may have been on their computers when they overshot Minneapolis. I disagree. I think they were either reading their SkyMall Catalogs (who doesn't?) or they were using something they had previously purchased from the SkyMall Catalog: the $199.99 Feng Shui Compass. "Using advanced aerospace guidance technology, it locates and calculates supportive energy fields...to align your physical surroundings to manifest your goals and intentions." I do not make this up.

The device takes your birth date and applies astrological and "geological" data to plot your personal "positive energy flows" in four categories: relationships, health, success and growth. SkyMall reviewers claim this karma chameleon changes lives. One business owner says it helps him sit in the right seat in the board room for important meetings. (I always thought that was the seat nearest the bathroom.) Travelers say it assures them their hotel room is facing one of their "good directions." Thus they get a better night's sleep, even if they have to sleep diagonally on the bed. (I just take the bed nearest the bathroom.)

My theory is that both Northwest pilots whipped out their Feng Shui Compasses to fly the plane toward their positive energy fields--but these were in conflict. Senior pilot was aiming towards a hot former Flight Attendant sipping Mouton Rothschild by the fireplace of her St. Paul townhouse. The co-pilot was yearning for a meaningful relationship with a nimble pole dancer lounging diagonally on a pillowtop bed in Vegas. Dueling Feng Shui compasses cause cockpit turbulence. That's my theory, and I'm sticking to it.

Diva Update
My husband's plug-in coffee commuter mug has ceased working after three weeks. What were we thinking? We're returning it. Carol Wright Gifts says it gives refunds with no questions asked, but counting the cost to ship it back, well, it was not one of our best decisions. I should start facing my catalogs in a more positive direction--probably closer to the bathroom.