Time to slip into my Slanket: the blanket with sleeves that is so easy to make fun of...but you know you want one, don't you? For tonight my Hammacher Schlemmer Catalog has arrived! Now I can take a trip to Hammacher Schlemmer World. There I can turn on my $5,000 iTunes Jukebox and sip my Blackberry Kiwi Arbor Mist from a Breathable Wine Glass. (Set of Six, $149.99) Unlike traditional decanting methods that require up to 2 hours to let wine breathe, these 100% lead-free crystal glasses undergo a proprietary process that allows oxygen to pass through and aerate wine in as little as two minutes. The Schlemmers are no schlemiels when it comes to the good life.
But the item that most intrigues me this year is The Canine Genealogy Kit. For $59.99 the kit analyzes your dog's DNA and identifies the breeds of its ancestry. All you have to do is rub the enclosed cotton swab on the inside of your dog's cheek and send it back in the provided envelope. The lab sends you back a genetic profile of your dog. You get a certificate listing your dog's ancestry with a detailed explanation of each breed's dominant characteristics that likely have been passed on to your pooch. Is this great, or what? Yes, this is the perfect gift for a person who loves a mutt.
It also begs the question: why can't they have a kit like this for humans? Why can't you just swab your prospective mate's cheek and get a detailed analysis? Wouldn't you want to know if your beloved might inherit his Uncle Stephan's hirsute back and even worse: his habit of lifting up his shirt and asking young women to scratch that hairy thing at every opportunity? What if you knew your girlfriend could inherit her Aunt Elsa's inexplicable propensity for clicking her toenails in bed?
There are human DNA genealogy kits already on the market. But they only tell you possible races, tribes, geographical info. They are not refined enough to tell you what you really need to know: i.e., if a future spouse may eventually exhibit the behavior of that cousin on his father's side--the one who invites everyone out to dinner, then takes out his calculator to split the check, asking probing questions like, "Who had the extra Diet Coke? Didn't you know the Prime Rib wasn't on the Early Bird?"
Such empirical evidence could have serious quality of life implications. Furthermore, this could open a whole new field of genetic personality counseling. And God knows we need more jobs for grads who majored in psychology. With Human Personality DNA kits, perhaps we could approach something that the folks at Hammacher Schlemmer offer on every product: a Lifetime Guarantee of Complete Satisfaction!
I have no doubts that we will eventually see these "Ancestral Personality Trait" DNA kits. If science and fashion can join forces to invent a blanket with sleeves, anything is possible.
You know you want it. I won't tell anyone. Click here and get your SLANKET at Amazon!
But the item that most intrigues me this year is The Canine Genealogy Kit. For $59.99 the kit analyzes your dog's DNA and identifies the breeds of its ancestry. All you have to do is rub the enclosed cotton swab on the inside of your dog's cheek and send it back in the provided envelope. The lab sends you back a genetic profile of your dog. You get a certificate listing your dog's ancestry with a detailed explanation of each breed's dominant characteristics that likely have been passed on to your pooch. Is this great, or what? Yes, this is the perfect gift for a person who loves a mutt. It also begs the question: why can't they have a kit like this for humans? Why can't you just swab your prospective mate's cheek and get a detailed analysis? Wouldn't you want to know if your beloved might inherit his Uncle Stephan's hirsute back and even worse: his habit of lifting up his shirt and asking young women to scratch that hairy thing at every opportunity? What if you knew your girlfriend could inherit her Aunt Elsa's inexplicable propensity for clicking her toenails in bed?
There are human DNA genealogy kits already on the market. But they only tell you possible races, tribes, geographical info. They are not refined enough to tell you what you really need to know: i.e., if a future spouse may eventually exhibit the behavior of that cousin on his father's side--the one who invites everyone out to dinner, then takes out his calculator to split the check, asking probing questions like, "Who had the extra Diet Coke? Didn't you know the Prime Rib wasn't on the Early Bird?"
Such empirical evidence could have serious quality of life implications. Furthermore, this could open a whole new field of genetic personality counseling. And God knows we need more jobs for grads who majored in psychology. With Human Personality DNA kits, perhaps we could approach something that the folks at Hammacher Schlemmer offer on every product: a Lifetime Guarantee of Complete Satisfaction!
I have no doubts that we will eventually see these "Ancestral Personality Trait" DNA kits. If science and fashion can join forces to invent a blanket with sleeves, anything is possible.
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