Me an Einstein? Just Kidding!

I am really, really sorry about the Einstein thing. In one of my first posts I claimed that I married an Einstein (with photo evidence). For years I hoped fantasized about the royalties that go to the Einstein Trust at Hebrew University in Jerusalem. But wouldn't you know it? I stake my claim, and Disney announces it's giving refunds to parents who bought Baby Einstein DVD's! People thought sitting their babies in front of the DVD's would make them geniuses, and this may not be true. As Goofy would say, "Garwsh!" A parent watchdog group lawyered up and got their class action suits in a bunch. Disney caved. Or maybe they figured that not that many parents who sit their infants in front of the TV are likely to be conscientious enough to repack DVD's and send them back for refunds.

But you can't blame parents for thinking their kids are smarter sooner. Have you seen the "4-D sonogram" photos of babies still in the womb? Saturday night a woman showed us one of her expected grandchild. She had the amazingly detailed pic on her iPhone. My smart aleck husband stared and asked, "How did you manage to get the phone up there?" She didn't laugh. But I did. Which is why we stay married. When we found out we were having twins in the early 80's, our black and white sonogram snapshot looked like a negative of two eggs over easy or the Shroud of Turin. Ah, but technology marches ahead! If we can get instant gratification, why can't our babies get instant illumination?

Don't blame me about the Baby Einstein kerfuffle. My kids warned me. They said all along that if they had Einstein genes, they should have scored higher on their college boards. What did happen to the Einstein genes? I found the answer on YouTube. (Is there anything you can't find there?) Click on this link: Talking Parrot Einstein. It doesn't take a genius to see what happened. The genes crossed species like the bird flu. If the link doesn't work, just search YouTube with the words "Talking Parrot Einstein."

Diva Updates
The plug-in coffee mug from Carol Wright Gifts came and so far works great. My husband arrives at work with hot coffee after a half-hour commute. I also recommended the Absorbent Soap Dish from the Vermont Country Store. This soap dish is made out of some sort of pumice stone and really works. No more gooey soap, and the bar lasts forever! I swear on my Diva domain. Unfortunately I discovered that the VCS only has one color left and seems to be discontinuing the item. But I found an online catalog that has it in lots of colors and cheaper. For the Absorbent Soap Dish, go to The Discount Cupboard.

For refunds on Baby Einstein, don't look at me. When my kids were babies, I read them one book over and over. I think it is one of the best kid's book ever written: The Monster At The End of This Book. This book made my kids what they are today: perfectly good enough for me!

Meanwhile, if any women want to discuss a class action suit on the "someday my prince will come" thing, let's talk.

Catalogs Anonymous

So here I stand (sit, actually). I have confessed to my somewhat addictive behavior of browsing through catalogs. I had hoped that by writing about the stuff instead of buying it, I could be redeemed from the sin of excessive consumerism. Herein lies the rub. It is difficult for me to gaze upon this endless parade of goodies and not buy. Like any addict, I slip. I need a 12-step program for catalogaholics! This blog is meant to push me to write philosophical and/or witty musings inspired by the products; not to plug (or unplug) the products. But I guess that's like writing about love when you've never been kissed.

Last week I bought something from Carol Wright Gifts because, well, even my skeptical and frugal husband said, "Hey, that would be great for my ride to school!" I wish I could tell you that the fact that we agree on decaf has kept our marriage together, but all I can say with honesty is that it looks like a great gadget: a stainless steel car mug that plugs into the car cigarette lighter to keep your drink hot while your drive. $5.99! Will it work for more than a day, a week, a month or even last a year? If anybody asked you that when you got married, you wouldn't buy into that either. The mug hasn't arrived yet, but I'll let you know when it does and if it works.

Last year I bought an Absorbent Soap Dish from the Vermont Country Store. This soap dish "absorbs excess moisture and soap residue so the soap remains clean, dry, and lasts longer. No more gooey bars of soap." And guess what? It works! I am a bar soap person, but surely I could live with some gooey-ness in my life. Nevertheless I bought it for $7.99, and I mention it so you have some idea of the depth of my "catalog problem."

The question is this: do you think I will be able to write this blog without going broke? Being optimistic, let's say I am still writing several times a week for six months. In that much time, how much money do you think I will spend? I include a poll to check your opinions. My intention is to spend less than zero, but signs are not good. That's what it says on the Magic Eight Ball, which is available in several catalogs featuring classic toys...