Perseverance, Inc.

If you can't laugh at yourself, you miss out on the best jokes in life. This is another one of my sayings that my kids are sick of hearing. But if you're reading it for the first time, maybe you won't roll your eyes. At least I can't see you roll them. Sometimes when the joke's on us, it hurts, too. Case in point: this t-shirt I found online. Here I am starting a blog, hoping to find zillions of readers. But the truth is closer to what it says on this shirt: MORE PEOPLE HAVE READ THIS SHIRT THAN YOUR BLOG. The "hit" counter under the words reads 00002. Ouch! But it's so funny, I might even buy the shirt! (Maybe I'll custom print thecatalogdiva on the back.) More about where I found this shirt later.

We teeter constantly on the cliff of joy and sorrow; fortune and misfortune. I try to lean towards the sunny side so that when the winds of fate blow, they might push me in that direction. Americans are taught to be optimistic. We learn early. In school teachers stamp smiley faces next to an "F" on a math test. They don't want to discourage us, even if we are not the Einsteins the DVD's promised we'd be. Whole industries have arisen to sell us inspiring and uplifting messages.

Accessories.com is one of the many catalogs that feature gizmos with encouraging messages. If I had a million dollars and needed another desk ornament, I would pick their shiny black Desktop Talker which speaks to you every day. It holds recordings of 365 "inspiring quotes...one for each day of the year." They include words from Abraham Lincoln, Helen Keller, Thomas Jefferson, Martin Luther King. Jr. and more. (I assume the celebrity voices are impersonated.)

Ah, but for a change of pace and a real howl, go to Despair.com or Despair, Inc. That's where I found the blog shirt above. You know those motivational posters with a big key word illustrated with breathtaking photos of people climbing mountains or soaring birds? This company takes that concept and turns it upside down. They call their products "demotivators." Here is a sample poster. One lone car heads straight into the awesome fury of a ginormous funnel cloud. Perseverance: The courage to ignore the obvious wisdom of turning back.

This one had me wetting my pants. Okay, I do that when I sneeze, but this was because I was hysterical. Notice the men running in front of the bulls at Pamplona. Tradition: Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid.

Despair.com's tag line says that their products are designed for "the person who has everything but still isn't very happy about it." You can get hilarious graphics and blurbs on shirts, mugs, little desktop frames, big posters, and my personal favorite: a calendar that you can customize, choosing the posters you want for each month. You can even add your own remarks for special dates. Yeah, I bought one. (So those of you who voted in my last poll might want to vote again and up your estimate of what I am going to spend.) Most of all, please keep sending my blog to friends and family so more people will read my blog than read the t-shirt!