What I Really Want for Mother's Day

Here it comes again, courtesy of Hallmark: Mother's Day. So this is an open letter to my sons. I don't want a bouquet of flowers. They wilt, and I love growing my own. I don't want an expensive musical card because it's a waste of money. I don't want a cheap card either, because that's just tacky. I'm not into jewelry. I'm on Weight Watchers so dinner is out.

Here's what I want. It's called "The Hora Chair." Somebody invented it for Jewish weddings and Bar/Bat Mitzvahs when they hoist the brides, grooms, etc. up in the air. This way no one gets a hernia or falls off. Easy to lift and has a seat belt. It's only $479 plus $80 to ship. Some assembly required. It even comes in pink.

You could both come home to the empty nest and carry me around all day in style. Okay you might need to bring a few friends because I'm not as slim as I used to be, but I'm still way under the 300-pound weight limit.

Well, guys, what do you think? Am I "chair worthy?" Consider it an investment. When you finally do choose your brides and get married, we can haul it out again. I'm sure Dad won't mind storing it in the garage. They even have a "protective cover" accessory. And I bet we'd be the first on the block to have one.

Don't you think all moms deserve this "Diva Chair" for Mother's Day?