The Ultimate Junk Food

I want to get down to the weight on my license. I want to stop hiding my chins in photos or asking the photographer to snap my picture while standing on a ladder--because when you aim the camera down, it doesn't show chins. I want to buy a box of 100-calorie Oreos and eat only one bag. I also want world peace.

I am a lifetime member of Weight Watchers, but the last time I was at my goal weight was 1983. I have been going to Weight Watchers on and off since I was 14 years old. I remember the original program when you had to eat fish seven times a week and liver once a week. There were no frozen diet foods. There were no Weight Watcher desserts. But deep-fried Twinkies hadn't been invented yet either.

I used to find Weight Watchers easy. The weight would slip right off. That was B.M. -- yep...Before Menopause. Like the Toyotas that won't stop, my metabolism won't start. Also I am a yo-yo mama. I walk, swim, eat broccoli and fruit salad, lose a few pounds and then gain them back by not walking, swimming, eating broccoli or fruit salad. 

This morning I went back to Weight Watchers. (I am sure I hold the record for starting over more times than any living Weight Watcher.) My friend Bonne came with me, and she has just lost 30 pounds by sticking with the program for more than 40 weeks! I wish I could tell you that Bonne is 26 years old, and it was easy for her, but it ain't so. She's my age; she's a gourmet cook, and she cooks big meals every weekend. She did it! And so I am gonna use her as inspiration and try again.

After Bonne got her well-deserved ovation for her achievement, and I got my 347th new Weight Watcher book, we went shopping. We stopped at Big Lots, because you never know what you are going to find there. Today I found the yin and yang of junk foods. There was an entire aisle of POP TARTS: whole grain Pop Tarts; Pop Tarts with fiber added! Imagine that: a healthy Pop Tart. What an oxymoron! But this was the capper: the ultimate POP TART: Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Pop Tarts. Yes. Really. And if you think I didn't want to buy a box to sit in bed and eat them (no toasting necessary), you haven't caught on to my craziness yet. I did not buy them, but obviously I am still thinking about them--and sometimes it's the thought (unfortunately) that counts!