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I am really, really sorry about the Einstein thing. In one of my first posts I claimed that I married an Einstein (with photo evidence). For years I hoped fantasized about the royalties that go to the Einstein Trust at Hebrew University in Jerusalem. But wouldn't you know it? I stake my claim, and Disney announces it's giving refunds to parents who bought Baby Einstein DVD's! People thought sitting their babies in front of the DVD's would make them geniuses, and this may not be true. As Goofy would say, "Garwsh!" A parent watchdog group lawyered up and got their class action suits in a bunch. Disney caved. Or maybe they figured that not that many parents who sit their infants in front of the TV are likely to be conscientious enough to repack DVD's and send them back for refunds.
But you can't blame parents for thinking their kids are smarter sooner. Have you seen the "4-D sonogram" photos of babies still in the womb? Saturday night a woman showed us one of her expected grandchild. She had the amazingly detailed pic on her iPhone. My smart aleck husband stared and asked, "How did you manage to get the phone up there?" She didn't laugh. But I did. Which is why we stay married. When we found out we were having twins in the early 80's, our black and white sonogram snapshot looked like a negative of two eggs over easy or the Shroud of Turin. Ah, but technology marches ahead! If we can get instant gratification, why can't our babies get instant illumination?
Don't blame me about the Baby Einstein kerfuffle. My kids warned me. They said all along that if they had Einstein genes, they should have scored higher on their college boards. What did happen to the Einstein genes? I found the answer on YouTube. (Is there anything you can't find there?) Click on this link: Talking Parrot Einstein. It doesn't take a genius to see what happened. The genes crossed species like the bird flu. If the link doesn't work, just search YouTube with the words "Talking Parrot Einstein."
Diva Updates 
The plug-in coffee mug from Carol Wright Gifts came and so far works great. My husband arrives at work with hot coffee after a half-hour commute. I also recommended the Absorbent Soap Dish from the Vermont Country Store. This soap dish is made out of some sort of pumice stone and really works. No more gooey soap, and the bar lasts forever! I swear on my Diva domain. Unfortunately I discovered that the VCS only has one color left and seems to be discontinuing the item. But I found an online catalog that has it in lots of colors and cheaper. For the Absorbent Soap Dish, go to The Discount Cupboard.
For refunds on Baby Einstein, don't look at me. When my kids were babies, I read them one book over and over. I think it is one of the best kid's book ever written: The Monster At The End of This Book. This book made my kids what they are today: perfectly good enough for me!
Meanwhile, if any women want to discuss a class action suit on the "someday my prince will come" thing, let's talk.
To my chagrin, Disney does not have a
print catalog. Probably because you would need a separate wing on your house to hold it. I love Disney. That little mouse has been very good to me. Once upon a time Mickey moved me from Baltimore to Burbank to manage a line of classroom materials called Disney Schoolhouse. Remember the smell of ditto pages in the morning? That's how long ago our fairy tale relationship began. I continue working happily with the famous rodent to this very day. I write lots of books for Disney Press. Why I even wrote the Little Einsteins First Picture Dictionary. You can probably find it in bookstores, on Amazon and if you go to Disney's online catalog: the Disney Store. (Check out Handy Manny and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. I write for those guys, too.) Disney rarely gives writers royalties, but when it comes to Einsteins, I always harbor a secret wish. They do pay something to the Einstein trust for that name. And I did marry an Einstein.
Seriously. My mother-in-law's maiden name is Einstein. Gudula Einstein Amerikaner. Now nearing ninety, Gudula lived in Stuttgart, Germany until 1939. Is she related to the Albert Einstein? "Probably," she says. Gudula is almost 90 and sees no reason to care about this issue. She is more interested in going to the 99 Cent Store. I say: what about all those Baby Einstein royalties?! Think of all the 99 cent tzotchkes we could buy! Alas, we have no genealogy studies or DNA to prove any connection. Certainly my husband is bright and witty. Our sons agree, but they grouse that the math gene did not survive the lengthy genetic journey.
I am a descendant of Russian, Swedish and Hungarian peasants. On my side our biggest claim to fame is my Uncle Eddie Leonard who was a champion featherweight boxer and later a nightclub entrepreneur and owner of the now defunct, but formerly famous chain of Washington, D.C. "Eddie Leonard" sandwich shops. More on Uncle Eddie another time. The subs were great, by the way.
I insist there is probable cause to believe I did marry a relative of the Einstein. We have been married almost 30 years, and I did not marry my husband because of this "relativity." I was unaware of any possible connection. The name "Amerikaner" was enough for a newlywed to deal with; I never even asked his mother's maiden name. I fell in love with Erik because of chemistry; not physics. And I am still wild over his terrific sense of humor, warmth and gentle nature. (On the contrary, Gudula says that she hears the famous Albert was "not a very nice person.")
Several years ago I came upon a photo of Einstein in his 20's; about the same age as my husband when we met. I gasped. OMG! It was the same face. My husband is a high school teacher (no, not physics) and even his students remarked on the uncanny resemblance. They discovered similar photos when they were doing research on Einstein, Albert. They are here so you can judge for yourself.
My husband does collect Einstein books, pictures and even the occasional Einstein bobblehead (my personal favorite). Fame is fleeting, especially when it's not yours. How has the possibility of maybe perhaps having Einstein for a distant relative changed my life? Not much. But every time I see one of those Baby Einstein books, I rack up a psychic "Ka-ching!" You can't blame me for trying. Oh, pooh. I know how the Milne family feels.
